Divorcing with Children

Getting a divorce is the farthest from easy. Unfortunately, if children are involved, it makes the process a bit more difficult. Children may not understand why their parents are deciding to separate, move out, and pursue different lives. There are many different aspects to consider when getting a divorce. A few main things to consider are as followed:

  • How attached the children are to each parent;
  • Other traumatic losses that may have impacted the children;
  • The home environment and how it affects the children; and
  • Where the children will live throughout the divorce and after the divorce is finalized, among others.


Attachment becomes a very big issue for children when dealing with a divorce. One of the most important rules is to not persuade the child or children into thinking the other spouse is a bad person. This can only create unnecessary tension between the child and the other parent, as well as more tension between the two parents. The children should not be involved in the arguments of the divorce. They should be able to remain neutral and chose whom they want to be with on their own. If a child is attached to both parents, the divorce may be more difficult. The parents should consider shared custody of the child and make sure the child is comfortable when living with either parent.

The divorce may not be the only life issue that is affecting the child. Another traumatic loss, like the loss of another family member or the loss of a pet, can severely affect a child. The divorce will only add to their grief and stress. It is important for the parents to take note of their child’s behavior and previous losses prior to discussing the divorce with the child.

If there is constant tension or verbal and/or physical arguments between the parents, this may negatively affect the child. This may cause the child to become depressed, anxious, stressed, argumentative, or even violent. The environment at home can contribute to their development and, if the parents are constantly arguing in front of the child, the child may pick up on their behavior. It is important to put your differences aside when in the presence of your child. It is also very important to promote a healthy relationship with your spouse for the sake of the child.

Determining where the child or children will live during the divorce is also very important. If the parents decide to remain in the same home together while going through the divorce process, it may be better for the child. The child will be able to spend time with both parents in the house they are comfortable in and would not have to switch school districts. However, if the parents decide to live in separate residences during the divorce process, it is extremely important that the child is comfortable and welcome in both homes.

After the divorce is finalized, it is important for the parents to discuss where each other would be moving, if the family home must be sold or when one parent must move to another location. It is important to attempt to keep the child or children in the school district in which they started school in. This way, the child or children will not have to move away from their friends, which may be their only source of relief from the stress of the divorce.

In sum, when filing for a divorce, it is best to make your child or children your main priority. Making sure they are comfortable throughout the entire process should be your first priority as parents. Children have rights, as do you. Do not sacrifice your child and their rights during the divorce process.

Filing for divorce is often challenging and stressful for both parents and children. Divorcing a spouse with children may only make the situation more difficult. If you are facing a divorce, it is best to contact an experienced divorce and family law attorney. The attorneys at Martin Grossbach P.C. are skilled in family and matrimonial law matters. Conveniently located in Rye Brook, New York, the attorneys at Martin Grossbach P.C. are readily available to assist those looking for a matrimonial/family law attorney in Westchester County, Rockland County, New York City, and all surrounding areas. For a consultation, please call (914) 631-6666.

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